Am I Strong Enough
by Kitty-Cat-13-7
Summary: Love. Friends. Grades. Teams. Even his life. Bankotsu had lost everything after using drugs. Is he strong enough to last through it now? ONESHOT BANSAN


**OK this story is basically all in present tense except when there's flashbacks, which are written in past tense. This is not a true story and some facts may not be true. Don't flame me because of that. But I've leanred enough in school that most of them are side effects of crystal meth. **

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* * *

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**Am I Strong Enough?**

**Bankotsu's POV**

The dark room keeps my battered up soul company. I hide in the corner, from the world and from myself.

_Damn._

I pull my black ball cap lower to hide my shamed face. Even though it was just me in the room, alone and no one to talk to. My head resting in my trembling hands. I need more, I crave more, but I can't.

It had done to much already. It had ate away at my very being and mind. I didn't know at first, but what's a guy to do?

I back into the corner more, too afraid to even realize my own fears, the very fears that set me on this path. The path of shame, cruelty, suffering, loss, and denial.

The craving looms over me. I can't stand the pressure it puts on me any more. I look up from my hands and see the needle sitting on my dresser. Waiting to poison, to kill.

I stand up slowly and walk towards the needle filled with the drug. Each step I took was closer and closer to my failure… again…

My hand reaches for the handle, but I quickly take it back. I don't want everything to happen all over again, I've already lost too much. I heavily sigh and then turn away from the needle filled with the deadly drug of crystal meth.

I couldn't let this drug take over my life again. It destroyed me and my relationships. What have I done? Oh god, I can't believe it… I've lost everything.

I sit on the bed and place my head back in my hands. I feel a warm liquid run down my cheek. I cry for… I don't even know how long for. After, at least ten minutes, the tears dry along my bronzed cheeks. I flinch suddenly and my whole body seems to tense. Then, like an electrical shock, a sharp pain whisks through my body.

My muscles contract and push against my skin causing me to collapse to the ground, crying out in pain. This is it's way. This was the way crystal meth was telling me that I need more. I stay planted on the ground, not letting my body be taken over by the urge. Tears pour from my already puffy eyes and leave a pool of salty water on the carpet.

Memories begin to flood back into my control. I remember all the good times before this curse, this insanity.

* * *

The crowd cheered as I scored the winning touchdown of the season. I panted breathlessly, but with a smile on my face and sweat dripping off my chin. I tore off my helmet and a certain cheerleader came up to me. 

Her attire was consistent of our school colors, orange and blue. Her bright sunshine mini skirt flipped from side to side as she ran to me and the blue tank top had the embroider of a tiger head. With her cheeks flustered with happiness, she dove into my arms.

"Oh Bankotsu, you're the greatest!" Sango exclaimed with a smile streaked across her face. I lowered my head and planted a kiss on her lips. She smiled again behind the kiss.

* * *

I try to smirk slightly, but I don't really have the will too. Then another jolt whipped through my body. I curse and my face slams into the floor. The pain comes every minute. I can't take it. I try to sit up, but no luck. It's too powerful. 

I feel a wave of nausea coming on and the color drains from my face. I clench my stomach and a lump quickly wells up in my throat. Before I knew it, there was vomit all over the, already dirty, carpet.

Taking quick, shorts breathes, I force myself to sit up and lay back on the bed.

* * *

"Oh yeah! Who got a D? I did! Woo hoo!" My best friend, Jakotsu, chanted as we left chemistry. I rolled my eyes. 

Jakotsu glanced over at my short self. "So, what'd you get, Bankotsu?" He asked. It was annoying, really. Every time we have a test or quiz Jakotsu always asks me what I got.

"A." I answered, casually. Jakotsu sighed.

"Why do I have to be the stupid one? Like, you're smart in every subject, great at all sports, and girls adore you…" Jakotsu paused. "…But I wouldn't want girls adoring me…" I laughed just as we reached our lockers.

* * *

My stomach seemed to settle down as I took in deep breathes. The pain still kept circling through my body, though. I turn onto my side, puttting my back to the needle, but my skin begins to itch, like there was little bugs inside of it. 

I glance down at my arms and sit up. My nails begin to scratch the skin in long, slow strides. Soon they began quicker and shorter. I keep scratching and scratching until streams of blood flowed from the marks. I didn't even notice until I felt a warm liquid on my fingertips. I gasp inwardly and rip my hand back.

* * *

I threw my school bag onto the stairs and walked into the kitchen. I opened the fridge door to get a bottle of water. Footsteps echoed across the tile and I glanced up. My dad was standing at the entrance, holding coffee in one hand and his newspaper in the other. 

"Hello Bankotsu, good day I hope?" He asked slowly and I nodded.

"Yeah, it was great. I made quarterback again."

"I'm proud of you, son." I smiled.

"Yeah, but I have to go. I have a date with Sango right away." I began to jog out of the kitchen, but my dad placed a hand on my shoulder.

"I really am proud of you." He whispered. I nodded a thank you and quickly hurried to my room.

* * *

Tears found their way out of my eyes again. I couldn't believe how I had ruined my life like that. I sigh and glance at my watch, it reads, 12:18a.m. My skin began to quiver and I felt cold inside. This was all the meth's fault! But…if I hadn't been so stupid… then maybe…

* * *

Music boomed through the house. I laughed at the joke some guy told and I took another swig of my beer. The party was filled the bustle of people. This was the greatest party of the high school year. 

I sighed with a smile on my face. Then I saw them. Three guys sitting in the kitchen eating something. I walked over to them and stared at the so called "food". It look more like sugar to me, but they seemed to be enjoying themselves.

"What are you doing." I asked and one of them looked up and his were clouded over.

"We're like…um… eating this…stuff…" He stammered and the other two laughed. "Wanna try it?"

I look at the guy and then back at the crystal.

"Sure." I reached over and took one of the, what seemed to be, cigarettes, which I had seen one of the other guys take.

I inhaled in smoke and it entered into my lungs.

This stuff wasn't too bad, actually. But my vision began to get blurry and a headache jammed into my head. Soon it left and my body was full with energy.

My eyes snapped open and I turned around and ran upstairs. In the hallway was Sango and two of her friends.

"Hey, Sango!" I shouted and she smiled.

"Seems someone's having a good time." Sango blinked as I wrapped my arms around her waist and roughly slammed a kiss to her lips. Sango's eyes widened with surprise. But I just couldn't stop kissing her.

"B-Bankotsu…" She muttered in between the tongue. Her friends then seemed slightly embarrassed and left us.

The energy and the excitement I felt was unreal. It was like I just drank five cans of Red Bull!

I couldn't help myself when my hand slithered up Sango's shirt and reached her bra strap. She shrieked and pulled away from me.

"Bankotsu!" She yelled with a bit of hair hanging in front of her face. "What the hell is your problem?" I opened my mouth to speak, but she began to shout again.

"We're you trying to have sex with me right in the middle of the hallway?!" A couple people began to stare.

"We agreed to do it when we're ready!" A person snickered in the amused crowd.

Sango's fists balled with rage. She brought her hand up and smacked me across the face. A few people gasped and the crowd grew quiet. Tears formed in Sango's eyes and she ran down the stairs.

I snapped out of my daze and looked around at the surrounding people. I pushed past them and headed down the stairs after Sango.

"Wait, Sango!" I shouted as we exited the house. She stopped and whipped around.

"How could you do that to me? How could you embarrass me in front of all those people like that? What am I like your sex doll or something?" She screamed.

"Sango, please. I can explain." I pleaded, but she didn't want to listen.

"I'm not going to put up with your excuses! I went out with you because I thought you were different from all the other guys! That you cared about me, but I was wrong!" Sango marched up to me.

"You're just like every other one of those cocky bastards… Bankotsu, it's over." She added in a hushed tone. With that, Sango turned around and stormed off to her car.

I was unable to move, the greatest thing in my life was gone.

* * *

About a week later I had come home from a really rough day at school.

My dad glanced up from reading his book.

"Son, is everything going alright?" He questioned as I walked into the house, slumped over.

"Yeah, everything's fine." I grumbled. I had tried more and more of that drug. Yeah, I knew it was a drug, but what harm could it do? I only tried about ten times… I think… That couldn't hurt someone, right?

I walked slowly down the hall and into my room. I glanced at the mirror of my closet. I looked like a mess. Plunking down on my bed, I sighed.

Life had been going wrong for me lately. I lost my girl friend, Jakotsu had been avoiding me, my grades have been going down and I was running out of money to get more meth.

Then… then I think about it. Could I really pull it off? I sat up and snuck into my parents' bedroom. There I saw my mother's purse, just sitting on her bed in plain sight. I began to fish through it and…jackpot! In my hand I held at least 1000 yen.

I turned around, but came face to face with my dad.

"What are you doing, Bankotsu?" He demanded with his voice raising a bit.

"I…um…" I stuttered, feeling the angry pressure of my father's voice.

"Were you trying to steal?!" He yelled into my face. I narrowed my eyes.

"So, I guess I'm not exactly you're perfect son then." I snarled, leaving my dad stunned.

"Don't you dare back talk me!"

I couldn't take this anymore. I brought my fist up and smashed it into my dad's nose. He cried out in pain and clenched onto his nose. Blood trickled in between his fingers.

Then I ran out of the room, out of the house. I didn't know where I was going or what I was doing. The only thing I had was the clothes on my back and the money in my hands.

But I did know one thing…I needed the drug. I ran towards the school and saw a figure in black waiting for me.

"Here's the money." I said, panted as I handed over the 1000 yen. The figure nodded and reached into his pocket. He pulled out a small needle and placed it in my hand. Yeah, I only bought one, unlike most people who were on drugs.

From there, I took off to Jakotsu's house, which was only a couple blocks away from the school. This week he would be on vacation with his parents, so it would be the perfect time to go there. At least I would have somewhere to stay for a while.

I crept to the door and kicked it open. For some reason, it opened with ease. The smell of dust and dirt reached my nose. I sneezed lightly and rubbed my irritated nose.

When I walked into Jakotsu's room I was welcomed by a aroma of old perfume. It reminded me of…

"Sango…" I whispered. I placed the needle on the dresser and sat down in the corner… where my battered up soul was kept company…

* * *

Then…then… THEN!!!! I cry… Oh god… I can't even take it anymore… I slam my fist into the ground, to try and stop the pain, the suffering. You've heard my story…now… This is the end… 

The muscle on the left part of my chest begins to tense…my heart. I begin to choke and cough, but no air will come to my lungs. I roll onto my back and stare up at the roof.

The dots dance across my eyes and my vision is blurred by tears. And for once in my life, I pray. I pray to live, I pray for a second chance, I pray for help.

_Lord, hear my pray, hear my plead. _

_Please help me. Please save me._

_Yes, I have done wrong, but lord…_

_I wish to live, I wish to have my life back._

_If you're out there, help my soul_

_Set me free from this curse_

_I want things to be the way they used to be_

_Amen._

I beg and beg, but no answer. My heart beat slows down and my throat is completely cut of air. And, with one last sharp pain, my body stops. My heart beat slows and I close my eyes…One. Last. Time. But…

* * *

**Sango's POV**

Colorful pictures and titles appear to my eyes as I flip through my magazine. I took my eyes off the pictures, it bores me. Looking up, I saw a photo album on my dresser. I swing my feet from under my covers and slowly walk over to the treasured item. The floor squeaks from under me as my feet shuffle across the carpet.

My hand extends and touches the smooth surface of the photo album. I run my finger along the permanent marker words_. To Sango… Love Bankotsu. _I sigh and open up the album.

The first picture actually made me smile. Bankotsu's child-like pout stood out as his whole body was covered with white paint. I was on the ground laughing with the paint bucket beside me.

* * *

"Bankotsu, you didn't have to come." I teased. "I can paint the shed by myself." Bankotsu smiled and put another layer of paint onto the wood. 

"C'mon I can help. I don't really want to be like Jakotsu." We looked over at our gay friend.

He sat in a pink lawn chair with designer sunglasses. A lemonade was in his right hand with a magazine in the other.

Jakotsu looked over his designer sun glasses. "Sorry, did you say something?" I shook my head and continued to paint, but Bankotsu had another idea.

He put down the roller and picked up a can of paint. I saw him from the corner of my eye and smirked. He lifted up the bucket, but I was quicker. I swung the paint bucket, I was holding, and the paint flung out and splattered all over Bankotsu.

Bankotsu wiped away the paint that had landed on his eyelids. He glared at me and I began to laugh.

Jakotsu looked up again and took out his digital camera.

"OK, this is so a Kodak moment." He clicked the camera.

* * *

I sigh and glance back at my bed. I have been worried about Bankotsu lately he hasn't been around school all that much, but when he was in school his grades were dropping and he was kicked off the football team for missing too many practices. 

I look over at my clock and it reads, 12:55. I finally decide on calling Bankotsu on his cell phone.

The phone rings for a good 20 seconds before I hear I raspy voice on the other end.

"Bankotsu? Is that you?" I ask, worried by his tone.

"Yeah, it's me and-" Before Bankotsu could finish he let out a cry of pain. I hear him whimper in the phone.

"S-Sango… I need help….please…" He begs and I feel like the breath has been knocked out of me.

"Bankotsu, where are you?!" I practically shout.

"At Jakotsu's house…" Then he went into a coughing spasm before he hanged up. I rush out of my room and grab my cars keys from the kitchen table. I hope my parents won't wake up to find me gone. I jump into the car and speed across the road.

Jakotsu's house is in view and I quickly pull into the driveway. I run into his house.

"Bankotsu!" I yell, straining to listen to his voice.

"I'm in here…" He mutters quietly and I direct my direction to Jakotsu's room. I ran into there and gasp when I see Bankotsu on the floor, looking like he was close to death.

I kneel down beside him and turn him on his back.

"Bankotsu, what happened? Why are you like this?" I asked, tears forming in my eyes.

"I don't really want to tell you or you'll hate me more." He mumbles and I frown.

"I don't hate you. I hate what you did, but please just tell me so I can tell the paramedics when I call 9-1-1." I beg and Bankotsu sighs.

"I tried drugs at the party and have been hooked ever since." He confesses and I gasp.

"What kind of-" I start, but Bankotsu cuts me off.

"Crystal meth."

I rip out my cell phone and quickly dial 9-1-1.

"This is 9-1-1, what service would you like to use?"

"I need an ambulance!" I shout and they page me into the hospital.

"Hello?"

"I need paramedics right away, my boyfriend overdosed on crystal meth!"

"OK, just calm down miss. We need the address of the place your at."

"132 Inokashira Avenue!"

"OK we'll be there in a couple minutes."

I hang up the phone and hold onto Bankotsu's hand.

"They'll be here soon." Bankotsu laughs slightly.

"So, you called me your boyfriend. I thought we broke up?" He asks smiling and I smirk back, blushing.

"I do miss having you around."

"That's if I live through this…" Bankotsu adds, coughing.

"You're strong, Bankotsu. You can fight it." I try to get his spirit up, but it doesn't seem to be working.

"But am I strong enough?"

Tears begin to form in my eyes, but I forced a smile.

"Yes, you are. I know it."

Sirens blare outside the house and my hopes rise. The paramedics rushed into the room and place Bankotsu on a stretcher. As they take him to the ambulance, he mouths, 'I love you.' I do the same.

* * *

After 8 long months, Bankotsu finally became clean from those deadly drugs. I welcomed him back as my boyfriend and you could say we had a happily ever after. Only this was no fairytale. I almost lost my boyfriend, from that murderer also known crystal meth.

* * *

A/N: I truly don't know what to put for an authors note, but I'll just say this. I have never experianced the effects of drugs or seen anyone else experiance but this was my point of veiw on it. It's really sad with the number of people that do live lives filled with drugs, but I hope you enjoyed this story because I cried at some parts writing it. Yeah, that's about it. Please R&R 


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